I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
