this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
