We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
