I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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