Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
