Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
