I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
