I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
