It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
false alarm, still single
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
