there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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