one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
