He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
