So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
worst night to have a conscience
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
