I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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