I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
