WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
