if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
