god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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