U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
