Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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