Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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