I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
