i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
