So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
