it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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