The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i came on her dog
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
