I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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