somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just had sex on a roof
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize