I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
