btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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