Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
