The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
