When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
