is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
