I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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