maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
