so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
