I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
