the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize