Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
