I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
