Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
