Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
