im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
