It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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