I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
