we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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