its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
