I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize