this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
