i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
either way he was missing a nipple.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
