I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
