Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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