My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
how drunk are you?
Several
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
