He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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