babies were throwing up all over the place
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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