I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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