I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
