When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
