Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
