I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
