Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
