So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
