yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
