I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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