his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
