I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he's gonorrhea incarnate
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
