so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
