He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
