nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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