i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
