so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
