Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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