Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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