OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
