I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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