I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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