they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
