These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
