she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
