ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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