My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
