the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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