My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
