I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
