so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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