I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
