you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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