aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
