I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
