idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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