then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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