So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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