The maid of honor just puked.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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