just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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