New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it glows. i had to have it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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