my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
