There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
