If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
