I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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