Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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