Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My vagina just recognized that song.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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