you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
