it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
