ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
