Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
