i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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