just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
someone owes me an orgasm
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
