Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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