Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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