I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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