I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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